Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
