No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
