so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
