Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Drunk walkin through police station. America
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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