it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
