once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Randomize
