Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize