Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
