Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
