What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Randomize
