She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
