I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
My liver is preforming stress tests.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Randomize