I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
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