Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
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