when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Randomize
