Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
two words...techno handjob
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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