we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
