I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
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