Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
