can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
pop tarts are not kleenex
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
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