I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
