drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Randomize
