so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
You left your underwear on the fireplace
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
