i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
