at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Randomize
