All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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