No awkward lesbian experiences without me
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
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