Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Randomize
