I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Randomize
