I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
