I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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