my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Randomize
