Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Randomize
