This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize