Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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