it was like eating out sand paper
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
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