Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
