I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
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