i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
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