finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
