I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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