My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
its not stalking. its research.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
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