there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
