he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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