She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
