Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
If I die, sorry about rent.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
