that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
