I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Randomize
