what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
