I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
