hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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