found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
