he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
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