Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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