i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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