Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
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