when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
P.S. I can't hear my feet
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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