I will die if light touches me.
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
