Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
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