Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I pour the whiskey from now on
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
