My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Green mimosas i think yes
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Randomize
