I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize