I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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