sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I would fuck him just for his dog
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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