Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(612): View more from Minnesota

I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.

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(708): View more from Illinois

Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.

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(602): View more from Arizona

I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?

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(515): View more from Iowa

you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.

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(504): View more from Louisiana

Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?

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(870): View more from Arkansas

Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.

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(980): View more from North Carolina

It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.

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(203): View more from Connecticut

don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling

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(912): View more from Georgia

He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.

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