the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
