Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
