I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
