i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
We left an ass print on the piano.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
