I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Randomize
