I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Randomize
