Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Randomize
