I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
