Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
It's rum buckets o'clock
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Randomize
